Me: Hello, my good man! I would like to purchase one of your fine e-books this day.

Mr. Bloomsbury: Indeed! I have quite the selection, young sir. Which one in particular has taken your fancy?

Me: That one there. It comes highly recommended from a friend of mine.

Mr. B: Most excellent. If you’ll just pay the requisite fees, I shall…ah. Hold on.

Me: (Jokingly) Is there a problem?

Mr. B: Er, yes. This is rather embarrassing, but I’m afraid I can’t sell you that particular item just now.

Me: But…why not? Surely it can’t be out of stock…?

Mr. B: Haha, no, of course not! Well actually yes, it could be, but that isn’t the issue we find ourselves presently facing. No, the problem is that your papers identify you as coming from the Republic of Ireland.

Me: So?

Mr. B: (Mumbling) Well…you know, licensing issues, all sorts of difficulties…

Me: Speak up, man!

Mr. B: I just can’t sell it to you, I’m afraid. If you lived in these United States of America, we might be able to do business, but it’s quite impossible for you to purchase this item from where you currently reside. So sorry.

Me: But that’s ridiculous! I could buy a paper copy of the book from an American business any time I like! Surely the electronic version is no different?

Mr. B: Well you would think so, wouldn’t you? But honestly, we were never all that comfortable with people just buying copies of things willy-nilly like that. The very thought of somebody purchasing something before it is available in their territory…urgh, there is bile in my throat at the mere thought! No, this way is much better, all things considered.

Me: Well…all right, I’ll go to the UK branch of this particular business.

Mr. B: Ah, I’m afraid you can’t do that either.

Me: (Exasperated) Why not?

Mr. B: Because, as we have already established, you are from the Republic of Ireland. And if I’m not mistaken, that country has been quite distinct from the United Kingdom since 1922.

Me: I really don’t see how that should be a barrier to purchase, given that there isn’t any dedicated Irish branch…

Mr. B: But Ireland is in Europe, you see? Completely different from the UK. If you want the book, you’ll have to wait until it’s available in your area.

Me: But I’m trying to give you my money! Look, here it is, just take it and provide me with a copy of your excellent book!

Mr. B: I cannot!

Me: So…let me get this straight. I can buy a paper copy of the book from anywhere I please, America or the UK or anywhere else?

Mr. B: Of course.

Me: But I can’t buy the American electronic copy, even if I have purchased a device specifically for the purpose of doing so.

Mr. B: I’m afraid not.

Me: And I also can’t purchase from the UK branch of this popular purveyor of novels, even though it is the de facto branch for my country.

Mr. B: No, it would be quite impossible.

Me: So I have to either pay exorbitant shipping costs, or else wait a week for my book to arrive?

Mr. B: My hands are tied, I’m afraid! And actually, even if you did live in the UK, we still couldn’t do business, because there is no electronic copy for that region either. Ha, you will have to forgive me, these things slip my mind on occasion.

Me: ….

Mr. B: I don’t know what you’re so upset about. Just be glad you don’t live in some non-Western country, or you’d be proper screwed, let me tell you.

Me: I’m sorry, I was too busy acquiring a copy of the book via other means while you were talking.

Mr. B: Ah…and when you say ‘aquiring’…

Me: Yes.

Mr. B: Mm. Well. I don’t suppose you’d be willing to pay for it after the fact…?

Me: I don’t think so.

Fin

(Before I get any irate comments: I didn’t actually pirate the book. I certainly wanted to, though.)

Our story has a happy ending! I finally managed to get a perfectly legal copy of the book. Take that, publisher. (Note: I am saying ‘take that’ because I managed to successfully give you money despite your stringent efforts to stop me. DO YOU SEE THE PROBLEM HERE.)